The First Year is the Hardest

All marriage counselors, psychiatrists, psychotherapists and pastors say the first year of marriage is the toughest. I set out to prove them wrong. Alas, they were right.

When I married the man of my dreams he came as the full meal deal. He had a house, two kids, two cars, a motorcycle, a dog and a cat. Boy! Was I close to heaven! The kids weren't the problem even though you might think so. I was in love with them as much as I was in love with their father. My step kids could do no wrong in my eyes.

The hardest part of the first year was trying to find my place in this instant family. Was I another Mom to the kids? Did my opinion count with the kids and how my marriage would go?

In this process I learned you have to pick your battles. What is important and what is not?

When step kids are young they don't know about drawing a line between houses. In their eyes their bedroom at Mom's house is the same as their bedroom at Dad's house. So some of what used to be at their Mom's house migrated over to ours and some of ours moved the other direction. This is okay. Kids feel more secure in both places and like they belong. Don't stress over this kind of behavior. It's okay to let it happen.

My problem was I never got jealous over a boyfriend meeting a new girl. I got jealous if they never let the old girls out of their lives. With this issue in my life having the ex-wife around was definitely a challenge. As the years have gone by I've been able to change myself and can talk to the ex without any problems. I've learned to accept the fact that she is here to stay and my husband wants absolutely nothing to do with her.

During the first year I didn't think I was going to make it. In fact one time there was such a big blow up I left and went for a looong drive. I drove all around the South Bay area of California. I drove from Paradise Hills to Imperial Beach. Up the Silver Strand through Coronado. Across the Coronado bridge through downtown San Diego. Finally I got on Highway 92 East to 805 south then back to Paradise Valley Road and home.

While on the one hour long drive I spoke with God. We talked a lot. I talked. He answered. And the conclusion was this was the man the Lord had picked out for me since before I was born. The Lord said He would instruct me and teach me in the way I would go. He would guide me with His eyes if I would let Him. I chose to let the Lord lead me and now 24 years later we are still on our honeymoon. Hubba! Hubba!

Hind sight is always 20/20. There are things I would have changed over the years but it wouldn't have been finding another man. They say no one human being can satisfy another person more than 80%. Only God can satisfy 100%. Don't you think it is foolish to go looking for the other 20%? You do the math. 80 is way better than 20. In fact it's 4 times better.

Stick it out people! After you make it through that first year anything can happen. You will be so blessed for doing it. If you need help or prayer as you go through, talk to someone who has been there. Leave me a message on this blog and I will help you out. Or at least I can pray with you and for you.

God bless you,
Michelle Rothwell, Founder
Dora & Diego Homeschoolspanish
and
Isagenix Independent Distributor